I just pynch a tree in the face
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
