I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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