just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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