I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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