i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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