now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
