when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize