with your own penis?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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