Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
