Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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