I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
