What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
