God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
