have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
