you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
