walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
