I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You have to summon your inner elephant
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
