She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
