Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
