I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
