better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
