So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize