he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
