How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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