Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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