just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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