He uses pillows to masturbate.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
