I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
