Your tits are I can't wait for
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
