the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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