I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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