I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
