how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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