I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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