I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's blow job season.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
