The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
