So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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