I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
