When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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