while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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