I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
