..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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