I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
