Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
