After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
