the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
