Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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