Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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