Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
