She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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