Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
