I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
