Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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