I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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