You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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