Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
