it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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