Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were trust falling into bushes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
