ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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