So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
