He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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