I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
