i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
