My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
