Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
