I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
