Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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