Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
