Umm I'm too high to move.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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