now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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