What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
