my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
