We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
