After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
