I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
