doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
