Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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