4 words: hood of his car
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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