He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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