Your face is a jimmy john
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
