A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
