I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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