We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
