my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
