Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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