Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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